Tuesday, March 11, 2008

A Network of No

I really don't think there is anything as uniquely awful as being told with incredibly clear matter-of-fact tone that my entire extended family does not support one of my biggest dreams. I think I could have handled a passionate "don't leave us" cry, or even an ill-informed and stereotypical statement about the "danger" of Africa, if it had come from a place of worry and love. I have dealt with many of those and that has only inspired me to convince them even more fervently. Explaining my good intentions and the need for true service, all the while playing up of the Christian service card (knowing its guilt inducing capabilities amongst my Catholic charity bound elders). But instead it was a clear statement that no one cares. No one agrees. A emotion-less statement..... "You must know that claire, no one supports that decision". It stings just a little bit more to hear it said that way, to know that they are so passionately against it that they wouldnt want me to be 'in the dark' about my own ridiculousness. As if its a favor. They say it is not practical, not a good use of my talents, and doesnt make monetary sense. Since when does practicality come before compassion and service? Do they know me at all? Neat and tidy and check writing is not my dream of helping others. It can be theirs, but not mine. In the face of their mind paralysis, I'm going to find a new comfort zone (gasp, one beyond country clubs), a new way of addressing an issue and growing as a person, and if that isnt good enough for them, then I guess they won't be getting a postcard. It also makes me realize how much of a wall I must put up to their non-understanding. I flick away the tears that well up and over the lids and draw upon the real compassionate support I recieve from other areas of my life, the people who actually see me, and more than respect me.


*********************** said...

What the hell?! Apparently that drink tomorrow is very needed.

Lauren said...

well... im your network of yes. so fuck it. im proud of you.